SOME (SARCASTIC) TIPS TO BECOME A POPULAR BBLOGGER


1) Own a Naked palette. Or all of them because you definitely need 50 shades of brown. (Well, technically 48 because [12 x 3] + [6 x 2] = 48 if I math correctly)

2) Have at least one MAC lipstick. Or 50. Bonus points if you've got 'Plumful' or 'Syrup', and triple those points by talking about those shades when autumn rolls around!

3) Also make sure you own several Real Techniques brushes (but serious side note, everyone NEEDS RT brushes)...

4)....and anything by MAC/NARS/Tarte/Bobbi Brown/Origins/etcetc, because apparently these brands can "do no wrong". Repeatedly remind your audience that these brands are amazing/perf/flawless.

5) Imprison your makeup in those things they call "Mujis" and "Alex" drawers. THEY ARE TO NEVER SEE THE SUN OR FEEL THE TICKLE OF DUST BUNNIES.

6) Definitely make sure you flaunt your impeccable taste by picking up the current hyped up products and all the latest product releases! Five shades of the same product? Well, if its for the blog!

7) Want people to read your review first? Gotta churn out that product review faster than the speed of a sloth on roller skates! Nevermind that you've barely tested out the product. Traffic and stats at stake here!

8) Don't feel like disclosing that the product you're reviewing is a PR sample? Your audience will never know!! Other bloggers posting about the same thing? COINCIDENCE. 

9) When writing up the reviews for these products, make sure you use key words and phrases such as "lit from within", "blends like a dream", "emollient", "smooth as a pig's buttocks buttery smooth", "insanely pigmented", etcetc. The more you repeat these key concepts, the more people will know what you're talking about.


10) Shooting photos for the blog? Make sure you're shooting on a white background with props such as flowers, candles (preferably Diptyque), Apple products (with your blog page open for #shamelesspromo), Rifle Paper Co. stationary, etcetc.

Proceed to make the background blurry in the photo because w o w so dreamy!1! so romance!! SO BOKEHLICIOUS!!

11) Shoot with a DSLR, preferably a Canon T3i/600D, because mirrorless/bridge/point and shoot cameras are for peasants. Richer peasants, but nonetheless peasants.

12) When leaving comments on other people's blogs, make sure you leave your blog link, the link of your latest blog post, your Bloglovin' link, all your social media links, as well as the pledge of your firstborn.
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I actually wrote this post a few months back, and its hilarious how bitter it is. (#shotsfired) Hopefully hilarious, but nonetheless still bitter. But you have to admit, there are a lot of blogger cliches circulating around, and even I fall to some of them. 

Anyways, point of the post: Run your blog however you want, to be honest. Comparing yourselves to other bloggers only leads to frustration, depleted bank accounts, and shitty(??) blog layouts. Research products thoroughly before you buy into the hype (not just beauty, but other things too, like cameras). Product samples are your best friends until you neglect them and you're left with a mini landfill of free foil sachets. At the end of the day, blogging is about connecting with others and leaving an impression on them, even with those you never would have expected.

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