When I was younger, I wanted to be ~badass~. Unfortunately, these days I'm mostly just 'ass' due to how much time I spend on the couch, but y'know.
From an early age, I've always been terrified of red cosmetics. The traumatic, life-changing incident that started it all?? My grandma had painted my nails in a glossy cherry red polish. Grade one Vanessa was so traumatized and embarrassed that the next day in class, she refused to raise her hand in class to answer class questions in fear of drawing attention to her hands. (SCANDALOUS!!!)(BUT ALSO, WHAT IS WITH OLD LADIES AND RED NAIL POLISH???)
Red may be unapologetic, bold, terrifying, etcetc, but I suppose that's what also makes it the preferred colour of badasses/flawless queens/HBICs. And so, here are five (practical and not-so-practical) reasons I've come up with to encourage y'all to wear red lipstick more often.
1 | Because it makes you look and feel like a BADASS MOTHER CHUCKER. Put on red lipstick, pull yourself together, get shit done.
(Some red lipstick wearing QUEENS)
2 | You won't need any other makeup. The bold red lip is the protagonist on your face and the only acceptable sidekick is crisp black winged eyeliner.
(I kid, you can pair that red lip with neon green eyeshadow if you want. YOU DO YOU)
3 | Distraction tactic. Pimple on your face? Uneven winged eyeliner? Unibrow? Full grown moustache?? Don't matter, because once you don the red, everything will look ~~~~FASHIONABLE~~~~.
4 | Precision training. Lets be real, once you mess up red lipstick/end up with it outside your natural lip line, you might as well call it quits for the day because any attempts at cleanup and reapplying is futile (unless you've got a good concealer, and if so, throw my whole argument out the door would ya).
Don't let that deter you though, because I doubt there's anything as satisfying as getting clean lipstick lines. In fact, I'm pretty sure you could perform open heart surgery with those precision skills.
5 | It can help in certain situations. Grandma insisting you try her Vietnamese egg meatloaf? NAW, CAN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING RED LIPSTICK AND YOU CAN'T RUIN IT
Bad date? Deter your date from kissing you by applying red lipstick!
Awkward social situation? "BRB going to touch up my lipstick". Never return.
Have you ever seen threatening messages on the mirror written with a MLBB lipstick? NO. Wearing red lipstick means actually having to carry a tube around for touch ups, which makes writing death threats on people's mirrors easier than ever!
NOW GO FORTH AND BE RED LIPSTICK WEARING BADASSES.